i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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