Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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