I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize