it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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