he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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