Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
being pregnant is like rehab
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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