so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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