well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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