ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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