We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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