I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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