Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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