Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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