She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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