My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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