From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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