if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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