That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
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Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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