Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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