every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize