R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
"it" just moved
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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