I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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