I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize