Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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