This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize