Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize