Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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