i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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