I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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