I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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