I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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