i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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