filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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