the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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