i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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