also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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