What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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