So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize