Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize