I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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