you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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