Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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