cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize