I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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