Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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