I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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