Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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