you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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