She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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