I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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